we spent an amazing weekend at Moganshan House 23 in (surprise) celebration of our dear friend JENNA’s birthday. incredible food (my team, KIM JONG GRILL, won the burger off, more on that later), incredible setting, beautiful house, such a nice little excursion out of the city and i can’t wait to go back. thanks to tom for organizing everything, such a great time!

posting some photos of beautiful lady friends of mine (from the Pete Rock show last weekend) seems appropriate today. celebrated women’s day by taking the day off (in China, you get the day off if you’re a lady!) and drinking bloody marys on a patio in the sun. had an amazing meal at the Puli and topped off the night with a drink at el Coctel. lovely lovely lovely, happy women’s day to all. xo

anyone with an internet connection (or access to any news source) has probably heard the hoopla surrounding Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. the very sensationalist (and very poorly written) Wall Street Journal op-ed piece that started it all has been endlessly dissected, torn apart and discarded, with countless ABCs (or KBCs, or anyone with immigrant parents) logging on to post their sob stories and declare Chua a monster. since i finally finished the book last night (and unlike others, have actually bothered reading it before weighing in), i thought i would share some thoughts.

first of all – i loved the book. it was funny, thoughtful, self aware and very self deprecating, and the parallels between Amy Chua’s children and how i was raised are unbelievably similar. there were parts where i was actually laughing out loud, and the experiences she describes were never shocking to me, instead, i found myself nodding along and being able to relate with both the reactions of her children and her descriptions and rationale of her actions. yes, there are times when she crossed lines & wavered dangerously close to crazy, but again, this book is a memoir on the failings and successes of a woman parenting her children in the best way she knows how – it is not a How To guidebook, nor does it ever come off as the superior authority on parenting across the board.

what is clear from the book and very unclear from the articles & discussions is that Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is a lesson in learning to balance the sometimes unrealistic dreams of a parent with the desires and abilities of a child. i was also a child violin prodigy, shuttled off to endless lessons, up to 8 hours of practice a day, and making my Carnegie Hall debut at the same time as Chua’s eldest child. i also actually did a masterclass with one of the teachers that Chua talks about in her book, which was a complete blast from the past, but the violin stuff is another story for another day. one thing i will point out though is that the majority of the anecdotes in the book relate to a child who is playing an instrument at a competitive level, something that takes an unbelievable amount of dedication and energy. i believe that any parent of any race who has a child who is playing at this level will be able to relate to at least some of the battles that are waged – no child (or very very few) can handle the many hours of practice a day (and lessons and rehearsals and competitions) it takes without some kind of excessive encouragement, be it the “right” or “wrong” kind.

the similarities also extend to the way that her daughters were pushed, what Western parents would categorize as abuse, i simply look back on as the best way my mother knew to motivate me. like Chua’s youngest daughter, i was rebellious, extremely hyper-active, terribly precocious and unwilling (or unable) to put my mind to learning unless there was someone standing over me, threatening success or death. yes, i hated my mother as a child, yes i thought she was insane, horrible, mean and vindictive, but as an adult there has never been a moment where i regretted the way i was raised – the experiences i gained through my mothers relentless drive (not to mention the literally hundreds of thousands of dollars spent, countless hours and years and years of turmoil) gave me the tools to be successful and the ability to face this world head on. never once as an adult have i ever doubted that my mother ever wanted anything less than the best for me, and while we are close now and have a good relationship, as a child i did not need to be best friends with her and even then, this was something i recognized and accepted.

i did not come away scarred from my experience (or any more so than any other child – all parents make mistakes), and this is not to take away from anyone who did experience a similar childhood and is still dealing with the after-effects. the bottom line is that the book is entertaining, thought provoking and definitely worth a read, but like the author, flawed and un-apologetically so. parenting is a journey that will be different for each & every mother or father, and at best Amy Chua’s experiences have made me think about what kind of mother I want to be, and how I will take the lessons from how I was raised and pass them on to my children.

(photo taken from compfight.)

we rang in the new years in Mount Hood, Oregon and ohhh, it was so fresh and lovely! we stayed at this amazing cabin, 12 people, 4 days, a ton of champagne and groceries enough to feed an army. the snow was fresh, the hot tub was beautiful and we ate nonstop in-between games of poker, karaoke & the airing of grievances.

to be honest, i was a little bit freaked out by the trip in the beginning – the group i spent the new years with was made up entirely of childhood friends of john’s, people who have known him since he was a little kid in cub scouts. thankfully it all went well, my favourite part of every day was when all 12 of us sat down together each night for massive home cooked meals and all the wine we could handle. they were funny and kind and sweet and i couldn’t have asked for a better trip. yay for new friends & holidays in the mountains, xo.

we were kindly invited over to Mark & Cate’s house on Sunday for dinner, a couple bottles of wine, good chats and a tasty dessert of bread pudding + Pastis and ice. I’ve never been a huge licorice or sambuca fan but the drink was a welcome treat. apparently they sell for cheap at most carrefours. xo

i think the last photo sums it up?

a couple photos from the GAP opening last night. feeling a bit rough this morning but it’s nearly the end of the week. the party itself was not much of a party but still an event with open bar and whatever, i guess it just felt weird to be at a store like the Gap whilst drunk. anyways, so we were given a 20% off shopping card upon entrance and the big idea was to walk around and buy things. so i walked around for a while desperately searching for something to buy because i a) didn’t want to waste my coupon and b) still feel weirdly nostalgic for the Gap of the 90s and still want them to do well. there was also a small “party area” set up outside the store (in the mall hallway), which was roped off by Gap blue curtains, small bar, runway for Gap models (who marched in and out all night) and a DJ booth for Wordy. they served popcorn in Gap cups and gave away little boxes of gummies, overall it was quite fun but we left at 1030 and walked next door to the Ascott Residences where YY had rented us a hotel suite for hangouts. i know it sounds ridiculous but every once in a while it really is fun and hilarious to party in a hotel room with bottles of champagne and dozens of broken glasses and all your friends being silly and taking silly photos of each other and generally causing mischief. i am debating whether or not i will post those photos, because it got a bit messy. hm!

ps. if you’re interested, i bought a nice grey super soft wool oversize cardigan for myself and a grey and white check button up shirt for john. the cardigan is very cozy and i’m actually wearing it right now!

pps. the best absolute best thing about the party is that there was never a point in the night where it was completely packed and everyone was frothing at the mouth to get to the bar. way to go Gap for not pulling a Uniqlo and inviting 293489234 people to a shopping mall xo.

on Sunday, Ryan, Adrian, Nial, Phoebe and I piled into a van and headed out to artist AI WEI WEI’s studio in the Jiading District of Shanghai to participate in his River Crab Feast. The Chinese word for river crab (和谐) is a homonym for harmony (河蟹) and people often use the word as an euphemism for Chinese censorship. (more background on the event here).

the event itself was peaceful, despite news that the artist had been put under house arrest the day before he was scheduled to fly into Shanghai from his home in Beijing. there was no police presence, and instead, a gathering of people old and young who were served a meal of rice, bread, vegetables and river crab and invited to have a look around the space. interestingly, the only work we saw of Ai Wei Wei’s was an extension of his installation from documenta, which served as actual bedding for the volunteers and out of city visitors.

there were hoards of photographers, as well as many people live-updating via twitter and weibo (the Chinese version of Twitter). additionally, anyone with a twitter account was given a ceramic sunflower seed, which you may remember from the recently shut down Tate Modern exhibit. all in all, it was a pretty great day – there were many older people who came in support of various government injustices (we met a few who had been evicted from there homes) and there was even someone holding a sign commemorating Myamar’s first official election in 20 years, which fell on the same day as the crab fest.

note – Ai Wei Wei has been released from house arrest as of this morning, according to various news sources. also, an open letter from Ai Wei Wei to the Guardian linked here.

quick stop at home before the QSBS show, unloading and charging my camera. here are a couple of shots from the W+K Shanghai Halloween party, i’m late on my game but eh, what are you gonna do? will post more when i feel like it. happy weekend! xo